Women in Energy! Between the brain fog, fatigue and confidence taking a hit, did anyone feel HR or management quietly decided you were “past your prime”? Did you tell HR, or did you keep it to yourself? Curious if anyone’s been through this.
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While I can only sympathize as I am a man, one thing men and women have in common is experiencing age discrimination. Once you reach mid-career the bias is there. If you put on weight or your hair thins even worse. And any medical issues at all that arise are we-ponized as they are looking for any performance drops.
@ge Agree. At XOM, the biggest obstacles I faced came from my female manager. She fixated on my appearance staring at me, asking whether I was “comfortable in heels,” making comments about my clothes being expensive, and generally acting like I was some kind of threat in an imaginary competition. Despite my past strong rankings and excellent KOFs, she tanked my rating harder than anyone else ever had. The hostility was obvious, and it had nothing to do with performance.
Some people really struggle when an attractive, confident woman walks in. Their insecurity spikes, and instead of minding their own business, they start watching her, comparing themselves, and acting jealous in subtle, sneaky ways. Beautiful ones won't last in this system.
I am legitimately envious of the way the women on this post are supportive and helpful to each other. Can’t imagine men at EM, or anywhere really, acting this way towards each other.
Not about menopause but pregnancy weight:
It took me a year to lose my pregnancy weight. Had a well-meaning friend who was also a manager elsewhere in the company tell me I should be careful about weight gain. There is an underlying but prevalent bias that being overweight is a reflection of low commitment, low dedication and laziness…which weighs on perception of job performance.
‘But surely not pregnancy weight’ I tell myself. After all, there was no maternity policy back then so ladies were coming back to work at 2-3 months after birth. But it was palatable. I particularly felt the shift after I finally lost the extra 20lbs. I was performing the same, but suddenly everything was so much better received.
Now I am in the ‘thickening’ phase of getting older and feel like the same biases are coming back in. I actively share that I am working out and going to the gym, somewhat to remind people that ‘yes, I am taking care of myself.’
These things are subtle but real. I do think weight impacts men too….but they may get a bit more grace to gain a few pounds here and there. It just comes down to the fact that there are biases everywhere.
@e6. Exactly this.
I went to the ER and a cardiologist. I always got a male doctor, and kept getting told that it was stress and my imagination. At one point they caught some heart fibrillations, which I was told ‘shouldn’t bug me that much’ but the feeling may be sending me into panic attacks which manifested into swings in blood pressure and chest pain.
At a random gyn visit, I completely broke down when she asked the generic ‘are there any other health problems I should know about.’ She immediately suspected it was perimenopause even though I was on the younger side and still having periods. (Apparently low dose birth control can do that.).
Anyway HRT was a god-send. Cleared up almost every symptom. I still think of that doctor with so much warmth and kindness. She took the time to listen to every single health complaint, and connected the dots. She was also an older lady, and had clearly experienced it herself.
So ‘f’ male doctors who over diagnose women’s symptoms as stress.
And I’ve had to change gyns several times since, and even had female doctors, especially the young ones, downplay HRT. They renew my prescription because I am adamant, but they clearly give 0 cares.
Take care of yourselves ladies. There is no one looking out for your health except you.
@OP I went through menopause about three years ago and it’s a miracle I didn’t rage quit. Nobody warned me what it would feel like. My anxiety went through the roof, I couldn’t sleep, I’d wake up in the middle of the night with existential dread, and even developed high blood pressure when I’d never had it before. I started HRT fairly early into it and thankfully that resolve many of the issues. What bothers me most looking back is how little anyone talks about this especially at work. Women can spend decades building expertise and credibility, then suddenly hit a biological transition that affects sleep, cognition, anxiety and confidence, while everyone around them just interprets it as a performance or attitude problem. And most managers and HR departments don't care. That's why they removed legal protections for 52-55, just to sc--w with us. I can't even imagine trying get a new job now and going through this other thing at the same time.
After years we had a pretty beautiful woman joining the team. Her pervert manager couldn't stop harassing her and other ladies ganged on her... she left.
Ladies, estradiol gel. You don’t need to live with the symptoms and it protects heart health.
Menopause is no joke. I didn’t know if I was dying or going insane. How come older ladies never warned us about this?
I’m sure I would be legit NSI if I weren’t on HRT.
The women who stand out (energy, looks, manors) often end up targeted either dismissed, harassed, or undermined and others react out of insecurity or jealousy. The ones who manage to survive are those mirroring the dominant behavior and communication style just to be taken seriously.
I have found that my ranking follows my weight which has been a challenge as maintaining a low weight has always been hard for me. At one point I had to work with a coach as I was starting to develop an eating disorder due to the pressure to maintain a low weight.
This year, I decided to quit at 45 after saving enough. I had began to realize that the decline I'd seen in my older female colleagues years ago were signs of perimenopause that I'm experiencing myself. Back then, even just a couple years ago, the company was a different place where one is allowed to take a step back to care for oneself. I couldn't last 2 more years without getting NSI in this state and it's not worth having my dignity trampled over.
In general for women at Exxon youth and beauty are an advantage. Age and declining looks result in less respect and lower rankings. Very unfair.