#gaslighting

We are proud to announce third consecutive quarter of record-breaking profits, achieved through a bold trifecta of financial wizardry, workforce shrinkage, and algorithmic optimism.

While revenue soared thanks to strategic offshoring and the deployment of Eliza™, our AI-powered job shrinker, we also successfully identified 25% of employees as suddenly “non-performing,” despite their actual performance. Truly remarkable!

As a result, we are thrilled to reward our top talent with a generous 0 to 1% merit increase. That’s nearly enough to cover one Starbucks™ venti and a half tank of gas—if you drive a scooter— and you drink free coffee!

The firm attributes its success to:

• Eliza™: Our AI chatbot trained on 1990s legacy system coding and HR performance feedback communications (oh wait, what HR communications?)

Eliza now handles 80% of client interactions and 100% of employee feedback loops. She’s programmed to say “I hear you” while flagging your sentiment as a compliance risk.

• Force Ranking 2.0: Inspired by medieval jousting, our new performance system pits employees against each other in a Hunger Games-style meritocracy. Winners get a 1% raise; losers get a “growth opportunity” as future Wal-Mart™ greeters.

• Leadership Transparency: Our executives remain committed to open communication, as long as it’s pre-recorded, legally vetted, and delivered with a catchy British accent. When asked about the disconnect between profits and pay, one EC member replied, “We’re not shrinking the pie—we’re just slicing it with AI precision to help our associates.”

Analysts speculate that the profits may stem from a combination of deferred (no longer available) severance packages, strategic ambiguity, and a new revenue stream called “Emotional Tolling,” where employees pay to access their own feedback.

In Q4, BNY plans to expand its “People Optimization” initiative, which includes:

• Replacing exit interviews with $5 off Subway™ coupons when ordered online in the app
• Offering stock options in the form of NFTs shaped like pie charts (if Goldman Sachs CEO "DJ D-Sol" - David Solomon approves)
• Launching a new internal podcast: “You’re Not Fired, You’re Just Misaligned”

In summary, BNY’s record profits prove that when you cut enough people and obscure enough truth, even the balance sheet starts to believe the story. How's that for AI/ML! After all, nothing says ‘transparency’ like a frosted glass conference room where decisions are made by people you’ll never meet, about jobs you no longer have.

I mean… it’s beyond ridiculous that leadership refuses to acknowledge layoffs that have happened, are happening, and will keep happening until who knows when. The gaslighting is unreal, and so is the complete lack of the most basic requirement of leadership - owning up to actions and their consequences for the people you lead.

I used to feel confident but now I doubt myself every single day because of the favoritism and gaslighting here. Even as a top performer I’ve never felt so low about my work. It’s utterly exhausting trying to hold it together and I don’t know how much longer I can.

Continue to keep your eyes open and resume's ready as SF is a pile of sh-t just like the rest of corporate America. Corporations like SF are slowly and methodically sealing/draining our nation and our way of life's doomed faith.

Return to work mandates to run people off
Cutting benefits and pay, with added unlimited responsibility, you fill all roles!
Reassignments to shi-t departments or jobs, constant bullying
Accountability Cycles and bogus performance improvement plans
Understaffing to reduce expenses and inflate executive bonuses
Horrible training with path to proficiencies that set you up to fail
Woke and DEI- another way to say you are helping under represented groups but actually methodically abusing them and setting them up to fail. Labor abuse is the oldest form of systemic racism in America.
Age Discrimination
New Executive philosophy- you owe us 100% loyal and total sacrifice and we owe you absolutely nothing and will discard you at our convenience.
Constant surveys to target trouble makers and fake talent reviews to decide who is next.
Constant gaslighting, controlling the narrative, Exec propaganda, and constant sleight of hand and lies.
Remember never trust one single thing they tell you, sabotage SF at every turn and tell anyone and everyone you know what kind of trash they people are!

They’re on here playing on your experiences and gaslighting so FLD can keep selling $XX million of whatever stock and direct f5 to an oblivion of fake setting the bar shenanigans. Get out. Just leave. Then go tell your story on LinkedIn even if under a mock profile.

The place is effed and you’re effed if you care about staying there.

GET OUT NOW BEFORE THEY SEND YOU HOME

I started gaslighting myself by thinking about the good ole day at fidelity… then I remember being on multiple teams where women had extra children just for some time off. No, it’s always been this bad.