#humor

Posts mentioning hashtag #humor

Below are all the posts — topics as well as replies — that mention the hashtag #humor.

Mention #humor in your post to continue the discussion!

Per Dan the network just needs to be good'nuff. Yep, and Chrysler's cars last and run just like Toyota's. And Venezuela and Iraq both have WMDs

Keep this in mind while reading the below: A new build costs ~$500,000 (under/over deploying equipment costs even more). It pays to get the best performance up front. Mod projects cost less, but rework adds up fast. Don't forget about rent at the site locations, too (landlord/tower vendor).

Seeing the number of layoffs of the cell site designers, VZ's higher up managers evidently never learned the lessons from riding in POS cars from American car companies in the 1970's and 80's. During that time Toyota put in the work up front to provide quality cars. Now Toyota is eating the other car makers' lunches. Maybe the higher ups grew up getting new cars every few years, so they never experienced constantly breaking down in American cars and not being able to afford better.

Customer service on the front end was put on the backburner. Now, network design will take a backseat, too. Poorly performing areas will continue to perform poorly.

Let's ignore a lesson of the auto industry (long term quality does matter). All cars are essentially the same, so no stopping of the production line, and the design just has to be good'nuff, it is ok to have acres and acres of new cars needing rework before going to the dealers. Following that model, it is ok if we waste design money, need lots of rework, and delay needed capacity and coverage solutions due to all of the coming rework and poor location choices.

VZ is going the way of Chrysler - All in the name of giving more money to less people, regardless of the fact there is plenty for all.

#Network #Humor

Year-End Shenanigans

With so much focus on year-end reviews and whether they are truly being reflective of where the associate is as a member of the team or rather just a number to be fitted into a spreadsheet, it raises a larger question about where this company is going with the year-end process…

And also whether we should just sit back and enjoy as Rich Vos brings the year to the end at the American Hotel in Freehold, NJ on December 31st. Tickets on sale now.

#NewJersey #Humor

Srini Gopalan - How long will he last?

The Legend of Srini Gopalan: The Accidental Triple-Threat Executive

When Capital One first launched, the board had one big question:
“Who do we get to run this thing?”

They reviewed hundreds of résumés until they found the one — a file mysteriously labeled “SRINI GOPALAN: HANDLE WITH CARE.”

Inside was a résumé written in Comic Sans, a headshot where he was holding a confused housecat, and a tagline at the top that said:

“I don’t always join companies. But when I do, they become iconic.”

They hired him instantly.

Part One: Capital One Chaos

On Srini’s first day, he walked into headquarters holding a single credit card with no numbers on it.
Someone asked, "What’s in your wallet?"

Srini whispered, “Destiny.”

Within weeks:

People started opening Capital One cards just to be near his aura.

Interest rates lowered themselves in fear of disappointing him.

The coffee machine began approving credit applications.

He became a legend.

Part Two: T-Mobile Takes Notice

T-Mobile executives heard the rumors:

“Who turned Capital One into a financial Jedi academy?”
“It must be the guy with the mystical wallet.”
“I heard he can increase your credit score by making eye contact.”

So T-Mobile recruited him.

But Srini only had one request:
“I want the magenta hoodie.”

Once he put it on, network speeds increased nationwide — and nobody touched a cable. 5G towers started appearing overnight like mushrooms. Coverage improved every time he coughed.

They didn’t dare ask how.

Part Three: The Truth Revealed

At an all-hands meeting, someone finally asked:

“Srini… how do you do all this?”

He smiled, adjusted his hoodie, and said:

“I don’t do anything.
I just show up, and say generative AI"

$40/share...my grey hair..#paymeoutDT

#Humor #Satire

’Twas the Night Before Layoffs

(A Wells Fargo Christmas Carol)

’Twas the night before layoffs, and all through the bank,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a crank.
The severance packets were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Saint Charlie soon would be there. The workers were nestled all snug in their dread, While visions of pink slips danced in their heads.
With managers clutching their KPIs tight, They’d just settled in for another grim night. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
We sprang from our desks to see what was the matter.
Away to the window we flew in a flash,
Tore open the blinds and prepared for the crash. The moon on the br---t of the new-fallen snow Gave a luster of doom to the carnage below,
When what to our terrified eyes did appear, But a miniature sleigh and eight trembling reindeer. With a cruel little driver so vicious and snide,
We knew in a moment it must be Saint Scharf. More rapid than eagles his bullies they came, And he screamed and he shouted and called them by name: “Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer, you slacker!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! You’re all on the stack tracker!
Hit those story points or you’re off the damn wall!
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all! ”Rudolph stood frozen, his nose glowing red,
From pure te---r, not magic, the fear filled his head.
Santa cracked the whip with a sadistic delight,
“Move faster, you id--ts, or you’re gone by tonight!” The elves had tried “Wagile,” but it fell on its face, Scrum ceremonies turned to a bullying place.
No safety, no trust, just metrics and fear, So the toys never shipped and Christmas drew near. Santa bellowed, “Your job here is done!
You’re replaced by AI and some guys in the sun!
The reindeer team’s next if you don’t hit your quota,
Offshore to Bengaluru, Manila, Dakota! He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a roar,
And away they all flew, scared forevermore.
But we heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to none, and to all a good night…

…unless you’re India-based, then pack up your life! ”

Tomorrow the axe falls.
Document everything.
Upskill tonight.
Run. My mission: fearless workplaces.
There is life after Wells Fargo—and it’s beautiful.
See you on the other side.

#Humor #Satire #Poem #Poetry

AI GENERATED MEETING NOTES : ALL HANDS

*. DAN LIKES TO SIP COFFEE LOUDLY INTO HIS MIC

*. DON'T BE LATE TO DAN'S MEETING BY EVEN 1 MINUTE. BUT EXPECT HIM TO HAVE AWKWARD LONG PAUSES DURING HIS MEETING CAUSING HIM TO GO OVER BY THREE MINUTES.

*. AI AND ROBOTS WILL TAKE OUR JOBS.

*. DAN WANTS TO REVOLUTIONIZE VZ WITH AI. BUT HE DOESN'T DON SLACK AND HE PREFERS LETTERS.

*. EVERYTHING ABOUT HAN'S VERIZON WAS HORRIBLE INCLUDING PERFORMANCE, CULTURE, EMPLOYEES. THE BOARD MEMBERS WERE EXCELLENT HOWEVER.

*. AI IS

#Humor #Sarcasm #AI #Leadership

Stankey Claus is destroying your town

You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why...
Stankey Claus is coming to destroy your town!

He's making a list,
And cutting it twice,
Gonna find out,
Who's naughty or nice.
Stankey Claus is coming to destroy your town!

He sees you when you're in less than 8 hours,
He knows when you’re giving bad Employee surveys.
He knows if you've been bad or good,
So be good for goodness sake- cause he just wants to control you.

Cause Stankey Claus, the worst CEO in America, is coming… TO TOWN….. to sc--w up your location with ridiculous demands.

Have a merry Xmas everyone! Except the Grinch that is.

#Satire #Humor #Christmas #Holidays #Leadership

Quick Update On The Soap in BH

Hi all just wanted to give a quick update on the hand soap in BH. It appears that “they” have halted all water-down operations.

The soap is back to normal.

Perhaps the compliant raised on this site prior made a difference. Just goes to show you want voicing your opinion on an anonymous forum can achieve.

I encourage everyone to voice your opinion on the matters most important to you! #fisvproud

#Humor #OfficeEquipment #Office #EmployeeHappiness

Survival Mode Activated

Day 1,342 in the corporate wasteland.

Communication are ghostly whispers in the dark, never reaching the frontline.

Leadership? Vanished. We wander through endless corridors with no map, no guidance, only the echo of “figure it out.”

Attrition isn’t natural here, it’s engineered. Colleagues disappear one by one, not from monsters, but from policies designed to push them out. The older survivors are the first to be hunted, marked as “obsolete” by forces we can’t fight.

Every meeting feels like a boss battle with no we-pons. Every email is a trap. The objective isn’t growth, it’s endurance. And the only reward for surviving another day? Watching the next teammate fall.

BNY Mellon isn’t a workplace. It’s a horror game where the odds are stacked, the exits are sealed, and the players are expendable.

Press X to try and escape… if you still can.

#Humor