#humor

Thank you for continuing to share the college experiences of your wealthy, well connected children. It is incredibly relatable content.

What happens when these two collide?

'Twas the night before RIF’mas, when all through Basking Ridge
Not a creature was stirring, not even Dan the Smidge;
The severance packages were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that HR soon would be there;

The plebs were nestled all snug in their cubicles,
While visions of VSP’s danced in their heads;
And Hans in his chefs hat, and the board he tapped,
Had just settled down for a long golden parachute victory lap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the desk to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the br---t of the new 5 ghee
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects in front of me,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature Shankar the gutless leader.

"Now, Sampath! now, Berland and Epps!
On, Hammock! on Paasche! on, Sharpe and Skiadas!
To the top of the stock options! to the top of the culture toxin!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the Webex
A meeting invite for me and no one else.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
On the call my supervisor and HR came with a bound.

They spoke not a word, but went straight to their work,
And filled out all the severance paperwork; then turned with a je-k,

They sprang to their feet, and gave a look,
And away they all flew the town like a crook
But I heard them exclaim, ere they ran out of sight,
HAPPY RIF’mas TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!

Is anyone else finding this damage control session to be hilarious? Yeah, let's blame the stock price on everyone else but TR

PS
Stock analysts now recommend buying TR. Duh, after 30% discount

https://media.thegospelcoalition.org/static-blogs/justin-taylor/files/2014/10/Horse_drawn_US_Mail_car.jpg

We should all water paint like the great AI Centoni shared on her latest LinkedIn post

In the words of one former CEO…Lessssss gooooooooo! Ayyyyyeeeeeee.

VZ Fam.. you should watch Season 1 Episode 1 of the Office to cheer yourself up. Its relatable lol

What in tarnations is this company doing using Rootin and tootin as a title for anything? - Yosemite Sam

Well folks, it’s been a wild week out here on the range. Rumors gallopin’ faster than a spooked jackrabbit, whispers in every cubicle corral, and folks hidin’ under their desks like coyotes in a hailstorm. But today, I bring word straight from the top bunkhouse—The Ranch Boss himself has spoken.

That’s right: a ceasefire has been declared.

All units, stand down. Pack up your spreadsheets, holster your resume blasters, and step away from the LinkedIn feed. The L48 front has gone quiet—no more surprise ambushes, no more “urgent invites” from HR at high noon. The dust is settlin’, and the Ranch Boss says, “That’s enough shootin’ for one season.”

Now, I ain’t sayin’ the fence line’s fixed or the water trough’s full—there’s still a few loose boards out there, and some of y’all are lookin’ at each other like, “You sure this ain’t a trick?” But as of now, the official word is:
👉 It’s over.
👉 Everyone can holster their nerves.
👉 The L48 herd’s intact… for now.

So take a deep breath, pour yourself a strong cup of office coffee (the kind that tastes like it’s been sittin’ on the burner since the Eagle Ford days), and give thanks that your badge still scans.

This ol’ cowdog’s off to patrol the breakroom—heard there’s a fresh box of donuts, and if anyone thinks they can outmaneuver me for the maple bar, well, they’ve got another thing comin’.

Stay vigilant, stay humble, and above all, stay employed.
— Hank, Head of Ranch Security (L48 Division)

I think that’s a simple litmus test for deciding who is expendable. If you don’t know how to start a simple chat how are you going to engineer cutting edge technology?

No, not that Craig Barratt.

#WhatAreWeGoingToDoWithGrandpa?

We have 60

Log into LinkedIn and decide which of these apply to your colleagues.
The drum beaters are growing by the day.

A field guide for the modern professional jungle. Bring your coffee and your sense of irony.

⸻

The Drum Beater
“Achievement unlocked: updated my email signature.”
Celebrates everything — from finishing a webinar to surviving Monday. If self-promotion were cardio, this one would be marathon-ready.

⸻

The “Humbled” Achiever
“So humbled to announce that I’m basically amazing.”
Masters the ancient art of bragging while pretending not to. Their posts start with false modesty and end with 1,200 likes.

⸻

The Thought Leader
“Innovation is just passion wearing a tie.”
Part philosopher, part buzzword generator. Communicates exclusively in abstract nouns — synergy, authenticity, disruption — as if they’re paid by the syllable.

⸻

The Motivational Evangelist
“I spilled coffee on myself — and learned a valuable lesson about leadership.”
Turns every life event into an inspirational parable. A broken laptop? A metaphor for resilience. A delayed flight? Proof that patience is a skill set.

⸻

The Corporate Citizen
“Proud to be part of a company that’s making the world slightly better — at least in our press release.”
Their posts are indistinguishable from the HR department’s. They clap for every culture initiative like it’s the Super Bowl halftime show.

⸻

The Sycophant
“Brilliant insight, boss! (Please notice me.)”
The algorithm’s most loyal servant. Likes, comments, and reposts with the precision of a political campaign. Never misses a chance to congratulate management for “inspiring leadership.”

⸻

The Silent Lurker
“Just here for the sociology experiment.”
Never posts. Never likes. Knows everyone’s promotion history and engagement stats by heart. The digital equivalent of the person at a party who stands by the snack table quietly judging everyone.

Mega props to the guy that posted the Jimmy Fallon thumbs down gif to the JW announcement on the Facebookesque IOL homepage.

So now that I'm being RAed, methinks it's time to think of IBM as a stationery store with danish, as Seinfeld once said. After all, I could use some extra Sharpies and sticky notes at home.

Funny skit by comedian Joe Fenti. Think we can all relate!

https://youtube.com/shorts/U9Tk12ZrS3k?si=owuft9DO1AYNj4Lm

What in the world is a Senior President?

DW making up new titles now?

Maybe he does?

The Seven Species of LinkedIn

A field guide for the modern professional jungle. Bring your coffee and your sense of irony.

⸻

1. The Drum Beater

“Achievement unlocked: updated my email signature.”
Celebrates everything — from finishing a webinar to surviving Monday. If self-promotion were cardio, this one would be marathon-ready.

⸻

1. The “Humbled” Achiever

“So humbled to announce that I’m basically amazing.”
Masters the ancient art of bragging while pretending not to. Their posts start with false modesty and end with 1,200 likes.

⸻

1. The Thought Leader

“Innovation is just passion wearing a tie.”
Part philosopher, part buzzword generator. Communicates exclusively in abstract nouns — synergy, authenticity, disruption — as if they’re paid by the syllable.

⸻

1. The Motivational Evangelist

“I spilled coffee on myself — and learned a valuable lesson about leadership.”
Turns every life event into an inspirational parable. A broken laptop? A metaphor for resilience. A delayed flight? Proof that patience is a skill set.

⸻

1. The Corporate Citizen

“Proud to be part of a company that’s making the world slightly better — at least in our press release.”
Their posts are indistinguishable from the HR department’s. They clap for every culture initiative like it’s the Super Bowl halftime show.

⸻

1. The Sycophant

“Brilliant insight, boss! (Please notice me.)”
The algorithm’s most loyal servant. Likes, comments, and reposts with the precision of a political campaign. Never misses a chance to congratulate management for “inspiring leadership.”

⸻

1. The Silent Lurker

“Just here for the sociology experiment.”
Never posts. Never likes. Knows everyone’s promotion history and engagement stats by heart. The digital equivalent of the person at a party who stands by the snack table quietly judging everyone.

It was a simpler time.
I was just sitting here wondering if that actually happened.
And wondering if it will happen again.
I joined in, added “I didn’t even know we had a reply all button” to the melee.
It was a career highlight for me.

Not like anyone would know if you did lol

I ain’t never stepping foot in a Target store again! 😂

Walmart here I return 🏃‍♂️💨

Resorting to low attacks bc why not, but did we think we’d be safe when the incoming CEO can’t even tell the abomination that is his horrible balding pattern? Targets doomed if the incoming CEO can’t even see the problems directly in front of him.

Just saw a post on LinkedIn: CDK issuing a "State of Cybersecurity" white paper - hahaha I guess they would know, right? haha I'd link it, but I fell out of my chair laughing.

Sir A Witty - where’s he with his gang? Concerned 😒

Amdocs was founded in Israel in 1982, and partially acquired by SBC in 1985.
What they don’t tell you, is the project that led them to being acquired so fast, was actually the first android project in the world, called Project Stank.
It’s not publicized, because the android they created, could only sh-t out of his mouth, and not his a-s.
However, there was a problem with Project Stank’s gastrointestinal system, leading to the android only being able to say the word, “Fiber”.
Amdocs sold the project to SBC and it is now our CEO

What am I seeing right now, is this real life???

I’m hoping this is just a bad dream due to an undercooked potato. We will all wake up and it’ll be Christmas morning.
Unfortunately, I’m sure I’ll find a lump of coal in my stocking stamped WF.
Come tomorrow, if you see a Band-Aid on my finger, it’s because I had to pr--k my finger in order to log into my work computer. This company is taking authentication to the next level.

...when AT&T was cutting cutting cutting and people said "That's what "AT&T" now stands for." We've come a long way, huh?

I seent a former C suite employee, who ran another E&P company into the ground and got laid off, at a Loves Truck Stop. Had that cheesy grin and walked a little light in the loaders so yup just another Saturday night for him.

It takes 4 steps:
1 Offer help
2 Cause a trouble that breaks things down
3 Come to the rescue with a makeshift solution only he/she knows how it works
4 Repeat above steps to take credits time and time again, and become indispensable.


In fact, that is also how we as a company thrive. After all, the CEO wants to “help every person and every organization on the planet”


Be Mike

Destroy your ability to explore to such a degree that you have to purchase companies and talent just to compete.

Destroy your talent pipeline through repeated reorgs and attrition so that the least qualified are the only ones that remain.

Move regional jobs offshore to nations where turnover is high, official holidays are numerous, and most importantly are experiencing massive rates of resume / experience fraud.

Create a work environment where people are demoralized, distracted, and distressed.

Cut or degrade meaningful benefits that help people deal with stress and mental health issues in their private lives often caused by the realities of their work lives.

Blame the U.S. workforce when incidents occur.

Rinse & repeat.

Use this board to call in sick or have your days off approved. Afterall, HR is watching.

Heck, put in a ticket and you'll get a faster response.

Believe me now?

I just spoke with DAS. Back in June 2022 it looks like they uploaded Maurice to the cloud. This explains the robotic answers, the bad writing and his inability to read. It also explains any future attempts to automate your work and work we so that you make less money and work less hours.
He will be put back in his body when his total income exceeds $100 billion per year.
This is all pretty hush hush but on good authority.

I copied it from the ExxonMobil side of this website:

https://youtube.com/shorts/ROHUBawQAPo?si=-37CT0-QZAOs7TOU

I think it’s a copy of the 14.1 user manual and all of FLD’s crayon drawings

Board of Directors asked Chat GPT, “How do you run a successful Telecommunications company?” and it analyzed all of the companies in the industry and their earnings reports in years of growth and just charted out a five year plan. Its first suggestion was eliminating the entire senior leadership team and their chief of staff entourages. Saves hundreds of millions in first year. Use that money to staff network, call centers, retail and business with honest employees that won’t be forced to sell boomerangs like DTV, MPP, etc. Customer retention jumps to all time high. Sell high rent office buildings and all employees work from home but performance measures are customers engaged, sales processed, fiber footage. Output will triple. Each employee gets 5 extra days of vacation (to compensate for the 5 taken away) and older employees no longer targeted for surplus and instead many will be rehired on basis of the fact they grew AT&T to the 100 million power house it was under Ralph De La Vega. Oh, and Leading with Distinction will now be 12 Tik Tok reels starring Tom Hanks just saying “Don’t buy any billion dollar companies, just focus on helping customers reset voicemail passwords.”