#corporatedoublespeak

At Dow, we believe in putting people first and we’re passionate about delivering integrity, respect and safety to our customers, our employees and the planet.

Our people are at the heart of our solutions. They reflect the communities we live in and the world where we do business. Their diversity is our strength. We’re a community of relentless problem solvers that offers the daily opportunity to contribute with your perspective, transform industries and shape the future. Our purpose is simple - to deliver a sustainable future for the world through science and collaboration. If you’re looking for a challenge and meaningful role, you’re in the right place

Nothing I have seen in my time at Dow backs this statement up. With the scheduling roles being outsourced, who in their right mind would apply for this.

Ask not what your company can do for you — ask what you can do for your company?

After decades in the workforce, I thought I’d seen it all, until my time at Citi. I stayed way longer than I should’ve, missing the signs while the culture kept getting worse. The amount of spin and dishonesty up the chain was unreal. Looking back, leaving sooner would’ve saved a lot of damage.

Viva Las Vegas, Baby! #LeadingWithCompassion

This company cares about nothing accept blinding customers and robbing everyone. Evil to the core

Just trust what this leadership team tells you. Look past the quarter-zip smiles and forced enthusiasm and you will see a mountain of corporate spin. CP called out “incredible collaboration” this week...People at desks were not collaborating they were talking about how bad this place has become and looking to duck when you walk by. At least two leaders on this panel are openly planning their exits and they are not invested in fixing anything.... like you they want out. Watch the clown show from yesterday if you think that translates into work-life balance for you ask yourself why. Here’s what this really means for you. Every keystroke is tracked. Independent thinking is gone even when you are right, you follow “Crown math.” Your work feeds leadership payouts, not long term stability. This ends the same way it always does. Leadership cashes out and another company gets stripped down. You deal with the fallout masked as 'goals' and “Clear” and “transparent” are just words here like PURPLE was... how'd that go. Their face and actions tell a different story. I have only 1 question. Are you listening to what they say, or watching what they do? Just look at each face even they can no longer play the game. Shame

This is the only explanation. And to cover his tracks, let's throw out a good bonus to really make it look like we really did these numbers.

Oracle has no public sense. Oracle twitter posting says:

The NVIDIA-OpenAI deal has zero impact on our financial relationship with OpenAI. We remain highly confident in OpenAI’s ability to raise funds and meet its commitments.

CEO:
Good afternoon, Team. I want to thank the 11 of you who were able to join this mandatory town hall on such short notice. We scheduled this meeting early and during your daily commute time so you would be more productive and there would be less chance you might attend. Your presence today demonstrates your commitment to our shared vision of Transformative Workforce Realignment™.

Before we begin, I want to address the rumors circulating online.
No, we are not conducting layoffs.
We are simply rebalancing our talent ecosystem through a series of performance‑aligned, location‑optimized, AI‑enhanced workforce transitions.

Let me explain.

“1. We Are Not Downsizing — We Are Rightsizing”

Some of you may have noticed that your colleagues have… disappeared.
This is not a layoff.
This is Strategic Talent Migration™.

We are migrating talent out of the company and into the broader economy, where they can pursue exciting new opportunities that we have thoughtfully curated by eliminating their roles.
This is what leadership looks like.

“2. Your Performance Rating Is Not About You”
You may have recently received a performance rating that surprised you.
Perhaps you were rated “Exceeds Expectations” for 14 consecutive years and suddenly received “Needs Immediate Intervention.”
Let me be clear:
This is not a reflection of your performance.
This is a reflection of our organizational tax strategy.

We are committed to avoiding WARN Act triggers, and your rating plays a critical role in that mission.

Remember:
When you grow, we grow.
When you go, our SUI tax rate stays low.

“3. Return‑to‑Office Is About Culture, Not Attrition”
Some have asked why we require you to return to the office even though:

• Your office was closed
• Your team is in three different time zones
• Your desk has been replaced by a potted plant
• Your badge no longer opens the door

Let me assure you:
RTO is not about forcing resignations.
It is about rebuilding community — specifically, the community of people who still work here after RTO.

“4. Global Talent Optimization”
We are proud to announce that we are expanding our global footprint in Pune and Manchester. This is not because labor costs are lower.
It is because we believe in unlocking global synergies.
And if those synergies happen to cost 80% less per headcount, that is simply a happy coincidence.

“5. AI Is Not Replacing You — It Is Empowering You”
Some of you have expressed concern that AI is taking over your job.
This is a misunderstanding.
AI is not replacing you.
AI is freeing you — from your responsibilities, your role, and your employment.
We are committed to ensuring a smooth transition as you train the AI that will empower your future successor.

6. “Why You Didn’t Receive a WARN Notice”
I want to address this directly.

You did not receive a WARN notice because:
• We did not lay off enough people at once
• We spread reductions across multiple 30‑day windows
• We reclassified separations as “performance‑aligned exits”
• We encouraged voluntary resignations
• We relocated roles to places you cannot physically reach
• We believe in agile workforce management

WARN notices are for companies that lack creativity.
We are innovators.

***Q&A Session***

***Employee:***
Why are so many people being rated poorly all of a sudden?
***CEO:***
Great question.
We are committed to data‑driven performance excellence, and the data shows that our reduction targets require a 17% increase in “Needs Improvement” ratings.

***Employee:***
Why are U.S. jobs being moved offshore?
***CEO:***
We are not moving jobs offshore.
We are expanding global opportunities while sunsetting domestic redundancies.

***Employee:***
Are more layoffs coming?
***CEO:***
We do not comment on future workforce transitions.
But we can confirm that ***your role is critical to our success*** — until it isn’t.

***Moderator:***  
Now that's all the time we have. Sorry (not) we can't take any more questions.

Closing Remarks

CEO:
Thank you for your continued dedication to our mission of Sustainable Workforce Optimization™.
We value each and every one of you — especially those who remain after this meeting.
Remember:
We are one team.
One vision.
One continuous reduction cycle.

Have a great rest of your day, and now please check Workday for updates to your performance rating.

What the he-l are these jokers on about? What even is "the culture"?

"Bringing back a notion of taking that extra step."
"You need to have a way of thinking about health care that is different from other products."

"It's a different culture than just a commercial culture."
"To be more explicit about that, we were calling that out because we were way too tense and needed to define who we wanted to be."

Could you have used more words to say nothing, sir?

Please try to remember this while you are listening to a corporate goon (GoGo) explain why VCIP isn’t great but the best is coming!
“During the pendency of any appeal in the Propel Fuels case, Phillips 66 is accruing additional interest liability at a rate of approximately $228,272 per day.” More than the median employee salary …… per day. Ignorance is bliss.

Credit to Peter Girnus— decoding the Amazon layoff thread that could be easily applied to the burning stagecoach

To whom it may concern,

Senior Vice President of two trillion dollars company reaching out to you again.

Some of you had trouble understanding Beth's email.

Allow me to translate.

"Strengthening our organization" means firing people.

Organizations get stronger when they're lighter.

Like a boxer cutting weight.

The weight is you.

"Reducing layers" means eliminating management.

Layers are what cakes have.

And onions.

You are neither.

You are overhead.

"Increasing ownership" means fewer people doing more work.

Ownership sounds empowering.

It means you now own three people's jobs.

At one person's salary.

Congratulations on your ownership.

"Removing bureaucracy" means cutting support staff.

Bureaucracy is a word for people who help.

HR. Finance. Admin.

They're not bureaucracy when you need them.

They're bureaucracy when we need savings.

"Organizational changes" means layoffs.

"Organizational" makes it sound like furniture.

We're just rearranging.

The furniture is your desk.

It's leaving.

"Impacted" means fired.

Impacted sounds like a meteor.

Or a wisdom tooth.

Something natural.

Something unavoidable.

This was a spreadsheet.

"Roles" means people.

We don't eliminate people.

We eliminate roles.

The people just happen to be inside them.

"Teammates" means employees.

We call you teammates so it feels like sports.

Sports have teams.

Teams have cuts.

You didn't make the roster.

"Support" means 90 days.

90 days to find a new role.

Inside the company that just eliminated yours.

It's like being dumped and asked to keep dating.

"Future endeavors" means unemployment.

Endeavors sounds adventurous.

Like you're exploring.

You're exploring LinkedIn.

"Strategic areas" means AI.

Everything strategic is AI now.

You are not AI.

You are overhead.

We covered this.

"Not the beginning of a new rhythm" means we'll do this again.

But not on a schedule.

Surprise layoffs.

Like a pop quiz.

But instead of failing a test, you lose healthcare.

"Grateful" means nothing.

"Thank you" means goodbye.

"Beth" means the spreadsheet signed an email.

I hope this helps.

If you need further translation, I'm available.

Until I'm impacted.

Anyway, have a great Wednesday everyone.

During the all hands meeting we had the other day the VPs were saying they were looking to change current employee roles to, essentially, lower level roles. They’re basically giving out demotions but saying they’re good opportunities for growth.

They’ve already started doing this by forcing engineers and coordinators into drafting OSP designs.

Sadly not many people are complaining or raising concerns, and an oddly large amount of people are “excited” to provide “value” to the company.

Hi guys, JW here. It is now near the end of the transformation notifications and I just want to say that I am truly proud of everyone for showing up to work.

To those we severed and to those we are forcing to leave (in one form or another), I’d like to say thank you for maximizing shareholder value. Thank you for the long hours and free labour.

To those who chose to stay and were notified of fulfilling positions, the company isn’t done draining the life force out of you. We will eventually and in due time also cut you out. Extend our sincerest thanks to your family for uprooting their lives to move and support your ending career.

And just a reminder to please refrain from disclosing or sharing any confidential or proprietary information outside of the company you love and trust.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

https://www.campaignlive.com/article/verizon-fiercely-committed-diversity-inclusion-across-spectrums-says-ceo/1684973

They should make a Nobel prize for acting

I just read a post on LinkedIn from a female CEO praising Cisco HR “leader” for sharing how the shutdown is designed to let workers connect with their families by not having to work. What a crock. Anyone who knows anything about how things work at Cisco knows it’s cost savings. A few days of payroll savings is worth millions. And the reason for the timing is so they can control personnel who would likely be asking for the same days off anyway. Furthermore, if mental health is a concern, why have people work on Christmas Eve? And how do you explain the July shutdown in 2024. Honesty is a wonderful thing; even when it’s not convenient

Read the title 🤣

An email went out today from CC with the 2026 Enterprise Priorities as if this is supposed to excite us and motivate us to work harder.

"Modernize, transform, and consolidate our technology" (translate: make more job cuts, rely on underpaid incompetent overseas workers to work around the clock, burn-out anyone still here by making them do the jobs of those who were cut too)

"Turbocharge data, analytics and workflow innovation" (translate: a pile of BS which means nothing but sounds good)

"Streamline and modernize our operations" (translate: Don't worry OneTru is our life saving measure and the answer to all our problems, but we still don't have the hang of it yet. But.. getting there, we think, maybe? Hello, is this thing on?

"Evolve our Go-To-Market approach" (translate: keep focused on plans for 2026 layoffs, with less expenses, our bottom line will look better and we can go on more fun excursions!)

"Drive AI innovation across all areas of the business" (translate: the sooner Ai can replace human jobs, the more money we'll put in our pockets from their salaries that no longer need to be paid! Fist-bump!)

Sorry but I just cannot read a list of enterprise priorities and not see the greedy corporate truth behind this veil of deception.

Reality: Will there be continued confusion, rearrangement of organizations with no benefit, outsourcing, gaslighting, propaganda, customers leaving, post it notes and RIF's? Yes. And now you are up to speed.

What you will hear: "We are set up for success in 2026 after making some tough decisions last quarter. We will continue to decrease cost and add customer value through the implementation of Artificial Intelligence. Our network continues to outperform our competitors and we continue to provide value to our shareholders through quarterly dividends. We are talking to the Union and working on that contract and feel good about it. No I cannot provide you any information on the new structure and how the work of those RIF'd will be handled. Here are some interns to tell you how great Verizon is. Last but not least, we would like to recognize employee X. This person worked hard and sold something last year. This does not mean they will keep their job, but does allow us to demonstrate how we are really great leaders by publicly recognizing someone."

If you find yourself clapping, using noise makers and waving a foam finger, please seek help.

What piece of art would you select - I vote for we are a family...

Every message from leadership sounds like a template written by someone who never met a real employee. They keep talking about strategic focus and long-term vision while people pack their desks quietly. Talk about a disconnect.

I keep getting dragged into so-called alignment meetings that reveal absolutely nothing. Hours upon hours of buzzwords and vague reassurance with no real clarity. It feels like they are delaying bad news and hoping we do not notice how nervous the managers look.

“Things are great!”
“Intel is winning!”
“No more raises.”
“Nvidia is investing!”
“LBT’s golf buddy is your new boss!”
“Stocks are doing great!”
“You’re never getting those benefits back.”
“Holiday party!”

How!?!

What's your #1 pick... My pick: "We are a family"

I'll go first: "Let us operationalize cross functional synergies to maximize stakeholder value."

Of how well BFCM went / how JC & MD manned the phones to help out. YOY increases and the usual BS that it was the best year ever ?

For all those that need a reminder, while FB and his merry band of c-suite minions were making money off your backs and fluffing investors , they were demanding you badge swipe 5 days a week or lose your job, do 9 hrs not 8:58 or lose your job, work excessive overtime or lose your job, make sure you are on your computer for 8 hrs or lose your job, move or lose your job, get a jab or lose your job, cut bonuses two years in a row while collecting their fat bonuses, slapped each other on the back for doing so well in Argentina while the people suffered with sky high inflation, do the job of 3 people or lose your job. They use you while they collect millions for doing a horrible job. We were running a company!! No you weren’t it was a smoke and mirrors so they could get richer. The BOD is complicit as well. Useless group. Got it!! Stop caring and live free.

By coincidence but this weekend I discovered a movie on Tubi called “The Company Men”…gives good perspective about the corporate shenanigans many of us have been caught up in. Recommend giving it a watch.

So here’s the story, folks. This company, a very smart company, didn’t care about security for years. Total disaster. Then bo-m! They get hacked. Suddenly, they “find” all this money for cybersecurity, like it was hiding under the CEO’s golf clubs. Now they’re bragging about their “massive investment” in security and even rolled out a shiny new “promise to customers”. Very touching, very emotional stuff. But behind the scenes? They cut the budget for training the people who actually use and develop the systems. Brilliant strategy! They say it’s about protecting customers, but everybody knows it’s just about protecting their image. “We take security very seriously,” they say. Sure they do. About as seriously as they took it the day before the breach. Sad!

Looking at the feedback and followups from the flaccid ‘fireside chat’ meetings, you will see that Eliza was used to collate responses and determine what the outcomes were. There are bullets that spouted off management groomed responses. All you see is that all BNY working people are excited and thrilled with the direction of the company. Then Eliza somehow determined that people agree with the direction of management and our mission. Lastly, people felt the top level communication was very informative and appropriate.
Let that sink in and ask yourself, does anyone believe this speaks for the majority of people working here? Anyone?
It’s now official. Eliza is a lying BS tool that truly is artificial ‘intelligentsia’ at BNY’s elite management level. Not intelligence at all.

We are here to help and make you successful.
We'll help you on this forum too, we'll send positive vibes and will post positive comments and replies.
All will be fine VTeamers, respect for the individual and personal growth.
Rainbows.
Unicorns.
Happiness.
ONE TEAM!

One of the most overused phrases I have heard at U.S. Bank is “I appreciate you!”.

Word to the wise, stop using this phrase. You sound like an insincere fool. If you truly appreciate someone, show it in your ACTIONS not with empty words. Vampires 🧛.

Take a sip every time you hear:

• We've got more work to do

• We gotta make the hard decisions

• Xerox is BACK. We are here!

• The Street is loving us/The Street is excited

• I will answer that later

Nothing else matters

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/10/30/us/politics/frank-bisignano-fiserv-stock-price.html

Thoughts?
We are paying RW how much to write his emails with AI?
Buybacks su-k and should be illegal.
“We don’t plan to cut benefits”. I’ll save that one also with the cr-p RTO quotes from years ago.

The company used euphemisms like “as part of our ongoing evolution” to “strengthen our roadmap” to describe a plan that introduces a “voluntary career transition program.”

https://www.thestreet.com/employment/ubisoft-soft-layoffs-expected-after-latest-announcment

"talent" is a just another annoying office word to describe anyone sitting at a table with a plastic box saying "pivot" and "bottom line" over and over