#sarcasm

Are you excited to go to the office? All the free coffee!

Xoxo Robin 😘😘😘

All I hear all day is lonely people rambling instead of working.

Is the drag on this great company.

28+ years of hard-work, dedication, respect for management , keeping Larry in prayers gone down with less than 2 minutes of a call with unknown je-k. Voila network disconnected in < 5 minutes. Was part of R&D. Wall Street reporters should makes noise on what's going on with the company Anyone here ! Mr. L has to support his 5/6 bride (Elephant is out of hat & you did not hear from me) !!

Can we trade Def Leopard for Presidents Club? Pour some Sugar on the people who earned it!! Bring it back!

……..was the one who sold HCL to Hans and Kyle. Good lord, when Accenture left I thought it couldn’t get any worse……then HCL happened and their “incredible” managed service team came onboard and is causing perhaps the worst experience for clients I’ve ever witnessed in my years here.

EH is somewhere out there crying up a storm at the fact that he has to cut you loose tomorrow. Reflect on the toll these layoffs have on your CEO.. Poor JD lost a whole pound of flesh last year.

That’s all….

I want to be like him!

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/michael-mustian-6217831a8_energytransition-career-activity-7351836054280208384--XU4

So was so in touch with us; she understood our pain. I thought it was so awesome when she said "If you don't like it here, you can leave". Such poetry and compassion.

It is lame now that Intel is no longer on the DOW and no longer needs to compete to survive. They should move Intel Layoff board to the Federal Government Layoff board

Hey y’all! Hoping you had a relaxing Labor Day weekend - I hope this Labor Day allowed you what I call the “3 Rs” - it brought you time to recharge, reflect, and reconnect with what matters to you most. My fourth “R”? “Remember” to sign your severance or demotion package today by 11:59 pm CST.

Enough about a holiday that celebrates the American workers contributions. It was Women’s Equality Day last Tuesday so I wanted to celebrate a few of my favorite heroines in “Herstory” (aka History). But before I do, I need to address a question I keep getting. You all know I didn’t take the last name of my husband. That would not be progressive. Many of you ask, “Penny, why hasn’t he taken your last name?” Well…I’ve been championing this change for years but he’s a stubborn man!

Let’s look back in time to a few females I respect:

Marie Antoinette - she is famous for saying, “Let them eat cake”, when the French people were starving, and living in inflation, and many in squalor. For some reason the French citizenry didn’t like the royal coffers being filled at their expense. What? I call that “Penny Economics” or what some of you may call trickle down theory - demote and take away the current peasants earnings and use those funds to pay people’s severance. Oh…I’d be remiss in not saying this…”Cake” means “Crumbs” so when you are trying to put a Christma…I mean a Holiday dinner on the table, you can tell your kids and spouse, “Let them eat cake!”. One foot note - I’m not a fan of how the French people treated her. She was a visionary.

Catherine the Great - ahhh…now let’s talk about humble swagger. She was the empress of Russia from 1762 to 1796. She came to power after overthrowing her husband, Peter III. Talk about moxy! And I like the ring of her title…”Penny the Great”. I digress, apologies. She is often included in the ranks of the enlightened despots…like me! But, just like me, an evaluation of her foreign policy was completed and it was considered a dishonest one. Catherine failed to reach any of the initial goals she had put forward. And just like me - Catherine lacked a long-term strategy and from the very start was characterized by a series of mistakes. She imposed a comprehensive system of state regulation of merchants’ activities. It was a failure because it narrowed and stifled entrepreneurship and did not reward economic development. Catherine called in “Russia Reimagined”.

Those are just two women I wanted to celebrate since we missed recognizing last weeks holiday. Next week I’ll highlight Amelia Earhart’s exceptional aviation skills.

As I wrap up and focus on business, I wanted to share a few more changes in 2026:

• The “Toast to Ted” will be retired and there will be a mandated “Toast to Penny” at regional events.
• We are working on standing-up a BRG for the Demoted.

Enjoy Labor Day today as you reflect on your years of service and don’t forget. “Qu’ils mangent de La brioche”

Don't worry. Everything is gonna be normal, easy, smooth after layoffs, emotions, reorgs.

Hahahahahaha.

Enjoy the misery of tryin' to get anything done in the new situations. For many it will be demoralizing, depressing, and a kick in the teethies.

Those who get to leave are the winners.

Ford is doing very well, so Jim has time for his Bronco road trip!

Thats all I have to say

Not sure if she is using a Chinese beauty camera though

please.

To incentivize the slaves back to the office, lets have a monthly meat raffle - sponsored by Trump steaks. The money raised can be used to keep Intel afloat and the winner gets the world's greatest steaks (Certified Aged Angus Beef Prime) and the best tasting most flavorful beef you've ever had, five star gourmet and truly in a league of their own. This is a win win partnership. Believe me.

Team,

I’m thrilled to announce the next bold chapter in our Enterprise Reimagined journey — where we say goodbye to thousands of human jobs (who needs empathy and judgment anyway?) and hello to cutting-edge AI systems that, according to MIT, will have a 95% chance of failing.

Yes, you heard that right: we are betting the firm’s future on technology that is statistically less reliable than flipping a coin. But that’s what innovation looks like! Remember, it’s not about efficiency, it’s about buzzwords — and boy, do we have plenty: synergy, disruption, automation, transformation. Sprinkle in a little “machine learning” and Wall Street can’t resist.

We call this strategy:
👉 “Automate the Ordinary, Humanize the Extraordinary.”
Translation: “Automate your job, humanize my bonus.”

And don’t worry, to prove we’re serious, we’re reinvesting the savings into AI pilots that will definitely, absolutely, probably not work — just like the MIT researchers said. But hey, even if 95% of these projects flop, we still get to put “AI-powered” in our press releases, and that’s what really matters.

So please join me in celebrating this exciting new future where our clients get chatbots that can’t remember last Tuesday, our advisors get tools that crash at quarter-end, and our remaining employees get to explain to robots why they still don’t understand Canadian tax law.

Together, let’s reimagine Edward Jones: leaner, meaner, and powered by AI that can’t do your job — but, fortunately for us, can still replace you anyway.

Sincerely (and with great synergy),
Penny “AI-Is-My-Strategy” Pennington

Here’s a tip. If you don’t want to be RIFd, friend your manager on Facebook. Those people are never let go. FACT!

Get up every day “drive” to your office , do your job , keep your mouth closed or leave . I have never encountered so many lazy , lack of work ethic , no morals and lack of character people in my life . If you spent a quarter of the time doing your job instead of constantly complaining you could be very successful.

Is it true that the current refurb will be Aerosmith 's Rockin' Spaceship Earth?

https://www.reddit.com/r/TikTokCringe/s/CgL2x1udUc

Your divisions are dog sh-t. Always below the line of doom. LMAO 🤣

It's like losers arguing who the bigger loser is.

Location: Anywhere with Wi-Fi
Type: Full-Time Pretender
Salary: Competitive (based on how well you talk the talk)

About Us:
We’re a BIG Financial Giant that thrives on jargon, acronyms, and PowerPoint slides. CTC's mission is to empower professional floaters to synergize scalable paradigms across decentralized ecosystems — without ever delivering a single measurable outcome. Our CTC team is the backbone of our security theater — ensuring that every checkbox is ticked, every policy is drafted, and every meeting is held… twice. CTC monetizes confusion. We are paid to create frameworks, policies, and roadmaps that sound impressive but are impossible to implement. Our secret sauce? A workforce of career floaters who can talk for hours without saying anything.

Job Description:
We’re seeking hundreds and thousands of CTC Specialist globally who excel at appearing busy while contributing absolutely nothing of substance. If you’ve mastered the art of nodding thoughtfully in meetings, quoting outdated frameworks, and forwarding emails without reading them — you’re our kind of person.

Responsibilities:
Attend daily standups and say “we’re still aligning on that.”
Copy-paste NIST and ISO standards into documents no one reads.
Create risk matrices that look impressive but mean nothing.
Audit systems you don’t understand using tools you’ve never used.
Delay projects by insisting on “governance reviews.”
Speak confidently about zero-day exploits without knowing what they are.
Collect certificates like Pokémon cards — CISSP, CISM, CEH — but never touch a command line.

Qualifications:
Bachelor's degree in Cyber Pretendology or related field.
5+ years of experience in looking busy.
Fluent in buzzwords: “cyber security,” “attack,” “robust,” “scalable.”
Ability to turn simple problems into multi-departmental crises.
Must have at least 3 certifications and 0 hands-on experience.

Perks:
Unlimited meetings.
Free coffee to fuel your empty reports.
A team that values appearance over impact.
Annual performance reviews based on how well you deflect blame.

Our Work Force
CTC Specialists who audit systems they’ve never logged into.
Program Managers who manage programs that don’t exist.
Governance Leads who govern nothing but their own egos.
Innovation Evangelists who preach disruption while avoiding execution.

Each employee is equipped with:
A LinkedIn profile full of buzzwords.
A calendar booked solid with recurring syncs.
A folder of half-finished slide decks.
A deep fear of accountability.

Shocker. No big change. Just same people new titles. Good job, again.

This place is fun and no longer used for its intended purpose. Just a cr-p talk area for us to hide in. I like to come say something nice about f5 then turn around and post something salty. Y’all so serious!

Almighty HP,

Thou who reigneth over toner and thermal ink,
Thou who bringeth forth print queues that actually work,
Hear our humble cry from the land of Xerox,
Where synergy hath failed and margins hath vanished.

We beseech thee, O Hewlett of Packard,
Stretch forth thy mighty acquisition arm,
And rescue us from the abyss of badge-engineered Kyoceras,
From the prophets of reinvention who speaketh only in buzzwords.

Deliver us from the quarterly earnings calls,
Where hope goeth to die and EBITDA is but a ghost.
Save us from the junk bond wilderness,
Where our stock price wandereth like a lost sheep.

Grant unto us thy divine roadmap,
With real strategy, not PowerPoint sorcery.
Let thy firmware be stable, thy drivers compatible,
And thy leadership possesseth a moral compass.

If it be thy will, absorb us into thy portfolio,
That we may once again know the joy of working printers,
The peace of meaningful synergy,
And the blessed silence of not having to explain OEMS again.

In toner we trust,
Amen.

Brought to you by a humble Xerox employee trying to use AI. Hello, is this thing on?