#mentalhealth

One year ago I quit Fiserv, and I am constantly grateful to have made it out, thankfully to a much better position elsewhere. 
There were many things not to like, but my #1 complaint about Fiserv was that I was implementing "products" that were either not fully developed or didn't work as advertised, and I had to face clients on a daily basis and try to tapdance these services to work.  Basically I was set up to fail by Fiserv, which was an absolute waste of my time, and I quickly knew it wasn't going to be a long-term fit for me.
I was complimented on my work and well-liked by my team members, but not once did I have a week where I hit any metric goal during my time at Fiserv (not in-office hours, not sapience hours, not delivery goals...which were supposed to be 98% success rate and thus impossible to achieve, especially with sh-t products).  Early on, I just freed myself from caring about metrics and that was the only way my mental health did not suffer, and I do not regret that choice at all.  They were paying me the same whether I hit metrics or not, and I could not be stressed out by the infantilizing concern that I wasn't at my desk for 7 hours a day or whatever it was at that time.  The weekly "dashboards" that management would send me on metrics would go straight to my trash folder, unopened.  
I survived a couple big rounds of layoffs somehow, but while I was already deep into my job search, I unsurprisingly received a "Needs Improvement" on my yearly review (because of metrics).  It was about a month later I finally got a great job offer, and put in my two weeks notice.  
Sharing my story in case it resonates with anyone who thinks they should leave but aren't sure they can - you should, and you definitely can. You can all do better than Fiserv, you got this.

I realized just how much I hate and dread my job the moment I realized the relief and happiness I feel come Friday. It's almost physical. Is this really how we're going to live our lives until retirement? I have at least ten years to go, I honestly don't know how my mental health is going to take it.

I stopped caring about this job a long time ago. At this point, the only thing I want from them is a severance check. This company isn't worth my stress, my sleep, or my health. They don't get to take that from me too.

If yes, how long did it take for you to recover?

I've been getting rejected for months and this was the second company willing to interview me and the only one to result in an offer. I've only done low call volume outbound calls in Medicaid and this Customer Service Rep role says it's 60-80 inbound a day. I'm wasting $150 a month in parking at my current dead end job and this role being 100% remote is the only reason why I'm considering the $8k paycut (already tried negotiating). Do you guys think working at Optum until I get an offer elsewhere is worth it? The constant rejections are getting to me mentally, trying not to let this one offer cloud my judgement.

Does anyone know if the new headquarters has designated safe spaces for employees to express their emotions? In my role, I frequently interact with the manufacturing team, and they can be quite abrasive. Having a safe space to cry would be incredibly helpful, as I’ve heard that the parking lot is quite far away, making my car an impractical option.

CEOs and corporations don’t care if you’re sick or bedridden. Step away from work and spend that time with your family.

My mental health has taken a nose dive by working at this company and weirdly I wasn’t included in the recent round of MIX layoffs and I actually was hoping that I would be. I’m talking to a psychiatrist about FMLA at some point for mental health and I’m wondering if anyone’s had experience with that and found that when they came back to work that they just ended up getting laid off anyway and or should I just try to gather my notes and ask for a package?

I'm out right now because of this place. The stress got to me. Pressure every day, more tasks piling on, never knowing if I'll be laid off. I already deal with depression and anxiety and this job pushed me past what I could handle. My blood pressure hit over 170. Chest pains started. Other physical stuff I won't list. It's real. If you've never felt it, I'm glad for you. Just be kind to those of us who have.

Not anymore. This place has seeped into everything. I wake up dreading the day, carry it home with me, dream about it at night. It's making me hate existing. That's not an exaggeration.

Well I woke up feeling uncertain about the future but then I wrote “Verizon doesn’t care about me” on a post-it and i immediately felt better. I recommend it to my colleagues. I will look at that post-it every morning now

Not anymore. We've been through round after round of layoffs, always knowing worse was coming. I care more about my sanity than this job, and definitely more than this miserable company.

I'm tired of pretending to be okay all day but also can't unload on someone just trying to be polite. The question just forces you to either lie or be the person who always seems in a bad mood. I'd rather just skip the small talk and work.

Insomnia?

It has been a year since the RTO policy and the divide it has created is hard to ignore. Those of us working remote or choosing offices closer to home often feel excluded from decisions, meetings, and the informal networks that keep work flowing. It is isolating and the pressure to play the game just to be seen is real.

Meanwhile, many in-office employees are not thriving either. Badging in, headphones on, fake smiles, people are disconnected, isolated, and going through the motions. There is no real connection and the culture has become draining, even toxic, taking a toll on mental and physical health.

The truth is clear. RTO has not solved productivity or engagement. It has highlighted a disconnect, a tension, and a struggle on both sides. Anyone else experiencing this? How are you navigating it?

It appears to me there are many 3Mers who are struggling with mental health issues. The constant layoffs, increased workloads, toxicity, harassment, micromanagement, etc. seem to be taking a toll on so many of our colleagues.

The colleagues I spoke with have high anxiety, depression and more. The abuse and harassment triggered PTSD in at least one senior manager.

I am wondering if anyone else is seeing similar issues within their teams?

Please be kind with your responses. I was reluctant to bring up this issue but believe mental health is important and an issue that needs to be addressed by 3M.

If there was a class on destroying mental health, this place would teach it. They've got every technique down. The pressure, the uncertainty, the constant moving targets. It's impressive in a horrible way.

It's been three weeks since I walked out with zero notice and zero backup. People thought I was crazy. Maybe I am, who knows. But you know what? I sleep now. I don't wake up with that dread feeling. That place was destroying me and leaving with nothing was still better than staying one more day. I'll figure the rest out later.

I left the micromanaging gaslighter at Walgreens who policed my face and now I make more money and sleep better.

I swear I am. I cannot take this psychological torture anymore. People are not built to carry this much stress day after day. At this point, I would almost rather be laid off. I know jobs are scarce, but I would rather stay sane and search for something else for a while than slowly lose my mind here.

I sit in my car at lunch just to have five minutes where no one talks to me.

The problem is the limit doesn't matter because the mortgage doesn't care. The kids' school supplies don't care. The car payment doesn't care. I have to make a specific number each month or things fall apart. So I keep coming back even though I hate it. Even though I'm exhausted before I even walk in the door. The worst part is knowing I'm close to breaking. I've never been someone who loses their temper at work. I'm the steady one. The reliable one. But lately I feel this rage building. A manager will give feedback and I want to walk out. I'm scared one day I won't hold it in. I'll say exactly what I think and then I'll be gone anyway, just with no paycheck. I don't know how much longer I can do this.

So much hangs in the air. It's all driving me insane.

I can't keep myself occupied enough with anything to ease the anxiety I feel. A completely sh---y weekend. I hope beyond hope to get to keep the job, because everything is as it is at the moment.

I was one of those laid off last year. After years of declining mental health due to RTO, micromanaging, and “doing more with less,” I was freed. Getting that morning 1:1 was terrible. But almost immediately, I felt relief. Every day since, I have continued to feel overwhelming relief.

I don’t make as much money as I used to. I’m taking a break before I move into another corporate gig, if I ever do at all. I’m working for a small company now. One that really does feel like family, and does really care. But I chose a job that I’m passionate about, and I don’t even care about the pay cut for now. I kept my cost of living low and everything else fell into place.

I am so grateful to never have to sit through another hour-long slog of lies about how we’re becoming more efficient through some indeterminate means, or how AI is going to save us, or how we do totally care about our coworkers and clients. Sixty minutes of nothing, every time. I don’t think I could have written a single bullet of content gleaned from those Town Halls if I tried. It would have been less offensive if they just told me they loathed me.

I keep checking in on these threads. My heart breaks for those who haven’t been released. They are putting you through psychological torture. They know what they’re doing. You are livestock to them. I’m so sorry. My thoughts are with those who remain. Polish up those resumes, and I truly wish you all the best. An ISP with a fat severance is probably the happiest ending you can hope for at this point.

The company consistently advocates for metal health and talking to someone. Rip the bandaid off and just let everyone know where they stand within the new org chart. The anxiety and stress within our employees is at an extreme high right now. Come on OVV make your decisions already.

Please keep looking do not work for this company as they do not care about you as a person or employee. They only care about the members who call in and speak to you like trash and doesn't really care about your mental health it's all about metrics, metrics, and metrics! This was a mistake working here! Not what I expected!

This job that I used to love has given me constant anxiety and depression..Im so sick Sunday knowing I have to report to soul su-king prison tomorrow.

They're too close to Mondays. I need more time to recharge my batteries. Working at Oracle has become so draining that I'm always tired. Always. I'm considering walking away even with nothing lined up. I just don't know how much more of this my mental health can take.

I visited here last year when there was a reorg and am now on the outside, so wanted to leave a few things I learned.

• There are a lot of useless managers and just as many su-k-ups to match. Don’t expect them to ever do the right thing, they won’t.
• Constant rumors wrecked people’s mental health. Many people are just trying to hang on until X date. Don’t be one. Make a kicka$$ plan B, one that you look forward to.
• The layoff process and package will not be equitable. Don’t believe you will get what others got. And don’t think they will be kind.
• Loved the benefits, the mission and the customers. Made many great friends and don’t regret my time there. But life on the outside is way better than I expected, don’t be afraid to leave.

Good luck everyone!

This place is so toxic you cant stand signing on. Nobody should dread sunday nights or any night going to work. This place seriously needs to be called out to the public for what it really is. Instead of the lies put out there in linkdin and everywhere else presenting themselves as some great leader of the financial world. Sc-mbags have ruined everything and everyones moral here since robin fu-k face came along

What Dell has done for me in working for them for over a decade is realize I never want a job again where I need to “be innovated”, “find new solutions”, “help with testing”, “create processes” or anything “above and beyond”. Because that has been what I have done for over a decade and all it has gotten me is more work, more stress, less time, higher expectations of what one person can manage, extreme burn out, stress, depression, health issues, and anxiety.
It’s never gotten me a promotion, a raise beyond the 5% max annually. It’s always more more more more more on what is expected of me with zero benefit to me. Other than to have a job at a place that doesn’t value its employees.
Whenever this Dell he-l comes to an end I will look for a job where I come in do my job and go home. The way they are continuing to do business is clearly to cause mental harm to their employees to try to force them to leave. It’s shameful to MD, JC, and all the higher ups for not caring about their actual employees and just carrying about the millions of dollars that they managed to make for themselves every year at the cost of others health, wellness, and finances.

Deep cleansing breaths, people. What kind of tools is everyone using to manage stress? I understand the need to go straight to sarcasm, but seriously asking. Focusing on supporting colleagues helps, it's always been about the people. Keep an eye out for who needs support, but might not ask for it. That can more challenging for remote workers, but do send out a message if someone goes quiet.

It's become a real problem for me. I may not make the final calls, but that doesn't make it any easier. I now dread coming to work, and I carry specific cases home with me. I'd give anything to get out. I've been applying for months, but nothing yet. I'm genuinely not sure I can keep doing this without lasting damage to my mental health. How do you all deal with it?

I wont say much apart from this one thing “do you not know mike that your mc’s force people down to needs improvement when they really are not bad performers”

Because of my rating I am feeling sui-idal. My manager even said that they were forced to and that nothing is wrong. So Mike do you not know that this messes with peoples lives. Do you not fu--ing know.

As I read these posts, I feel deep concern for both current and former teammates. I want to gently remind everyone that if you’re facing something difficult or need support, you can reach out to the Ethics Alert Line. It’s managed by an independent, external provider and is available 24/7 at 866‑480‑6138 or https://crowncastle.alertline.com. You are not alone, and resources are always here for you.

I had a target on my back and hung in there the whole time. Actually succeeded and exceeded in the complete he-l and misery a few (managers) made my life for years.

We are talking years.

YEARS.

My marriage, family life, and social life were all deeply affected in the worst ways possible.
These truly rotten to the core managers who are hallowed out without a trace of their sole left really ruined my life. Do they know or care? I doubt it. Would they probably find some kind of satisfaction in it? Probably.

It took being diagnosed with the worst to escape.

I won’t say it for confidentiality reasons, but I don’t know how much time I have left.

Was the years of misery worth it? No.

At the time, during the most miserable period of existing, I couldn’t swallow letting 1-2 people (managers) people push me out of the company I have worked so hard and had so much dedication to for years.

I suffered all of it. The whole playbook. What were meant to be Impossible workloads that I made possible, 0% merit increase, 0 recognition from direct management, (although I would get praises from other business lines because of my work ethic which of course is non existent in my year end review), isolation, rumor spreading, manipulation, sabotage, out right lying in my reviews and grading my work. It’s all there. Not going to say everything here. But it’s all there.

I stayed true to my work ethic the entirety and that brings a mix of emotions. On one hand I feel good that my intentions were always pure no matter what, and I truly hope I made a difference for someone else in my work even if it was only the slightest. On the other hand, I feel incredibly sad that it was to the overall benefit to managers who gave me he-l on earth.

I am sorry for everyone here. Please take a step back if it gets overwhelming and put yourself first.

If you can’t put yourself first, because you have to take care of business then remember to NEVER lose faith and always hold it close.

Article is about retirement but true for those of us told we aren’t performing, are assessed low, and are hit with layoffs as well. We all need to watch out for each other. Word like « good », « needs improvement «  and « needs significant improvement «  hurt.

https://geediting.com/gen-psychology-says-the-reason-retired-men-sit-in-silence-isnt-because-they-have-nothing-to-say-its-because-theyve-lost-the-only-identity-anyone-ever-valued-them-for/

He’s sitting in his chair. The television might be on. He’s not really watching it. His wife asks if he’s okay and he says he’s fine. He doesn’t elaborate. He doesn’t start a conversation. He just… sits.

If you’ve watched a man go through the first year or two of retirement, you’ve probably seen some version of this. And the easy explanation — the one most people land on — is that he’s simply run out of things to say. That after decades of meetings and deadlines and daily demands, he’s finally enjoying the quiet.

But psychology tells a very different story. One that’s far more uncomfortable and far more important to understand.

That silence isn’t contentment. It’s the sound of a man who no longer knows who he is.

The identity that was never really his

For most men of the boomer generation, identity was never something you explored. It was something you earned. You were what you did, what you produced, what you provided. Your worth as a human being was measured almost entirely by your usefulness to other people.

Research from the field of masculine gender role socialization describes how boys learn from a very young age that their value is contingent on performance. Researchers call this “masculinity-contingent self-worth” — a man’s sense of personal value being directly tied to how well he fulfills the societal expectations of being a man. And for decades, those expectations were clear: provide, achieve, produce, don’t complain.

This worked. It worked for forty years. It gave men structure, purpose, social standing, and a ready-made answer to the most basic question any human can ask: Who am I?

I’m an engineer. I’m a manager. I’m the guy who keeps the lights on.

Then retirement comes, and the answer disappears.

Work wasn’t just a job — it was the entire architecture of selfhood

When researchers at the University of Gothenburg studied retirement adjustment, they identified three core psychological components that determine how well someone adapts: identity reconstruction, social interaction, and independence. Of the three, identity was the most foundational — and for men, the most fragile.

One retired participant in the study described the feeling this way: when you’ve got a job, you define yourself by your job. You carry a higher status of yourself in your own mind. After retirement, the sentiment was one of redundancy.

This isn’t an overreaction. For many men, work provided essentially everything that psychologists consider necessary for mental health. It provided routine. Social contact. A sense of competence. External validation. A reason to get up in the morning. A place where people needed you.

A 2024 study published in BMC Geriatrics examined depressive symptoms across the retirement transition and found something striking: the meaning men attached to their work was a significantly stronger predictor of post-retirement depression than it was for women. When work meant everything, losing it cost everything.

Women, the research suggests, tend to maintain a broader portfolio of identities throughout their lives — mother, friend, community member, caregiver. Men, particularly men of this generation, were encouraged to go all-in on one identity. And now that identity is gone.

Why he doesn’t talk about it

Here’s what makes this particularly cruel. The generation of men now moving through their sixties and seventies was raised to believe that strength means silence. That asking for help is weakness. That a real man endures.

Research on masculinity and social connectedness has consistently found that men’s social support networks are limited precisely because seeking support or discussing emotions conflicts with male role expectations emphasizing strength and emotional restraint. The dominant practice among men in multiple studies was simply not to share emotions with other men. Or with anyone.

So when a retired man is struggling with an identity crisis — when he feels purposeless, invisible, and fundamentally uncertain about who he is — he does the only thing he was ever taught to do.

He sits quietly and tells you he’s fine.

Dr. Igor Galynker, psychiatry professor at the Su----e Prevention Research Lab at Mount Sinai, puts it bluntly. Men spend their lives achieving and neglect social connections, he explains. Women retire better because it’s less traumatic for them. Men are so invested in their work they lose both the social connections from work and the meaning of life.

The silence has a body count

This isn’t just an emotional problem. It’s a public health emergency that almost nobody is talking about.

According to the CDC’s National Center for Health Statistics, men age 85 and older have the highest su----e rate of any demographic group in the United States — 55.7 deaths per 100,000 people. Among men 55 and older, su----e rates increased significantly between 2001 and 2021. And retirement is consistently identified as one of the key precipitating life transitions.

Dr. Yeates Conwell, psychiatry professor at the University of Rochester Medical Center, identifies five factors that converge in older men: depression, disease, disability, disconnection, and deadly means. He notes that because male identity is so wrapped up in self-reliance, the transition to needing help from others can be devastating. And in retirement, men lose many of their connections and most of their sources of self-esteem.

A meta-analysis published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health found that the mean prevalence of depression among retirees was 28%, with rates significantly higher among those who retired involuntarily. A separate review in Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences described retirement as a major life transition associated with numerous risk factors for developing depression.

Over 6,000 older Americans die by su----e each year. The vast majority are men. And an overwhelming number of them visited their primary care physician in the month before their death — most without being diagnosed with a psychiatric condition.

They went to the doctor. They didn’t say they were struggling. Because they were never given the language, the permission, or the cultural scaffolding to say those words.

Nobody ever asked who he was beyond what he did

This is the part that should stop us in our tracks.

For most of these men’s entire adult lives, nobody — not their employers, not their friends, not their families, and often not even their wives — ever encouraged them to develop an identity beyond their productivity. Nobody asked what they loved. What moved them. What they dreamed about when they weren’t solving other people’s problems.

The question was always: What do you do?

Never: Who are you?

And when work ends, the first question becomes unanswerable. The second question was never even attempted.

Research from retirement psychology describes this transition as “a psychosocial process of identity transition and search for meaning,” where the challenge lies in creating a new sense of self once the old one no longer fits. But for many men, there is no new sense of self waiting in the wings. There’s just an empty room and a television that fills the silence.

What the chair really means

When a retired man sits in silence, he’s not relaxing. He’s not savoring his freedom. He’s not choosing quiet.

He’s trapped in a gap between who he was and who he doesn’t know how to become.

He spent his entire life being valued for what he could do for other people — the money he earned, the problems he solved, the responsibilities he carried. And now that those things are gone, he’s confronting a terrifying possibility: that without his usefulness, he doesn’t know what he’s worth.

He won’t say this. He might not even consciously think it. But it’s there in the early bedtimes, the declining invitations, the shrinking world, the flat tone when he says he’s fine.

The conversation we need to start having

If you have a retired father, husband, brother, or friend who has gone quiet, it’s worth understanding that you’re not looking at a man who has nothing to say. You’re looking at a man who lost the only version of himself that anyone ever seemed to care about.

And the fix isn’t a hobby. It isn’t golf. It isn’t a suggestion to “stay busy.”

The fix starts with asking a different question. Not “What are you doing with your time?” but “What matters to you now?” Not “Have you thought about volunteering?” but “What did you always wish you’d had time for?”

Research on identity change in retirement suggests that older adults who maintain multiple group memberships and social identities experience more positive transitions. It’s not about finding one new thing to replace work. It’s about discovering that you were always more than your job title — even if nobody ever told you that.

The generation of men now sitting in living rooms across the country were taught that their value was in their hands, their output, their provision. They built houses, careers, families, and entire lives around that belief. They were never told it was a trap.

The least we can do is stop mistaking their silence for peace.

It isn’t peace. It’s grief. And it deserves to be heard.

Nobody talks about how job hunting starts to eat at you after a while. You send out applications and hear nothing, and eventually you start questioning your own abilities. I used to know what I brought to a team. Now I'm not so sure. How do you hold onto your sense of self when the market keeps rejecting you?